-i got to see her in her prime today.
and i have to say. i found it amazing.
i myself seem to have a bit of fascination with water and pools
from the moment i walked in there.
all i saw was calm blue water.
it barely moved, and it seemed almost impenetrable.
surely it was not.
i enjoyed being a bystander.
just sitting there
it just dawned me that hey, im watching my girlfriend at practice
i found that so crazy, yet amazing.
i sat there watching the whole time, just trying to understand the passion she has for it
and i think i might.
she swam with determination and concentration, swiftly and smoothly.
almost professionally.
it was amazing.
and she was able to do that and still fit in a few laughs and smiles.
she was around people that had the same passion and was completely comfortable.
and they were fun
even i couldnt help but laugh a bit
it was quite entertaining.

im just glad today i got to make her laugh and smile.
thats all i really wanted to do.

keep me in check
keep me grounded
keep me around.
keep me wonderin'
keep me determined
keep me focused.
keep me smiling.

distract me
renew my thoughts
renew my passion
rethink my actions

let me live
let me go
keep me close by.

show just how wonderful it can be
show how committed and how long it can last
show every second of the day how much you care

even if its not usual or conventional.
even if secrets must be kept
even if you have no idea what your doing
even if it gets too difficult to try.

stay around until you are pushed away
make it real.

thats my plan. thats what will should happen.

thats exactly what we need.

I'm trying

to not act on my impulse
to concentrate and be determined
to earn straight A's
to balance
to push myself to that limit and pass that
to help those around me, whom i truly care about
to expand my knowledge beyond my wildest dreams
to keep my happiness and creativy along with all of these
to be mature yet loose
to be a good significant other

to show the world i can be great

i can do it, i will do it, i am doing it.
i just need to keep it up.

an addiction may start out very innocent: an small interest in something, or perhaps a curiosity.

you could be addicted to just about anything, the computer, video games,sex, chocolate, food, exercise, drugs.

and if you work from that bit of curiosity and give whatever that is a try, there is the beginning of your addiction

but of course, one try at something doesn't necessarily mean an addiction.

but often, people think they have control over this thing, which to some extent isn't true.
they often claim "no, I'm not addicted, i can control it. if i wanted to stop i could." true. but really, if the thing gives them a sense of satisfaction, why would they want to stop? that's where the flaw in their statement is. we've all had our tiny bits of addiction. i myself have found i have been on my laptop way too much. i had a period in time where i ate chocolate every day. I've stayed up til 4 in the morning and woken up at 6 just to play some computer game. and played it for 6 hours straight at times. that, by far, was the worse addiction I've ever had.

sometimes though, addiction can be good, if there really is control. or if its not necessarily an addiction, but a passion or liking of something. exercise is a great example. exercise is beneficial to your body and self esteem. and as long as its not overdone, there are very little side effects to it.

you know your addicted when you have to sneak around in order to do something. whether that means keeping it from friends or family, choosing certain times to do something, getting angry when not getting it, wanting/thinking of it at all times. those are some common side effects.

but of course, if i said we've all had our addictions, why would it be a bad thing to have an addiction to anything? well if it really affects your behavior when your not doing something, or its frowned upon by society then you certainly have a problem.

why am i bothering to talk about this? because, being in high school, I've suddenly realized how common it is to meet people on drugs. there's plenty of people you wouldn't expect. close friends, that one kid in your class, that one person you've heard about, the person you've talked to occasionally in class, a cousin, a bf/gf, etc,etc.

to some extent its understandable. there are people with very hard lives, bad past, emotional problems. but then theres some that do it because they surround themselves with people that do and want to fit in, or simply are curious. both end up connecting one way or another. a person who has have problems may become tired of fighting through the obstacles and chose an easy way out to temporary happiness. or maybe, the curious person tries out drugs and that leads to many problems with loved ones, creating harder lives, bad past or emotional problems. often its both.

but you know, you'd think people would know better. we all have problems,although some more or harder than others, we all have to deal with it. you'd think they'd think first about the morals and ethics that everyone has taught them, including parents, friends, teachers, books, etc. these moral and ethics are constantly being re-enforced all around them. yet they choose to do something like that. you'd think they'd think about what the people that are important would say, and how that would change their loved ones opinion of them. whether it'd disappoint them or not. but i suppose a fallen warrior doesn't have much to lose.

we all say things, and make our promises to do or not do something. but really, unless its something you could do that moment you say it. there's no guarantee. as time progresses, things change and people change. and its some people think, that because they've changed, it was like a whole other person who said something. that there is no way they could be held accountable for what they said in the past. this unfortunately, is a good point.

but i'd much rather not even hear a person make a promise or say something. naturally, when someone says something, we create an expectation for them. one that should be met since they practically created that for themselves. but that's like asking someone to never talk. that would be really selfish to do, just so you wont face any type of disappointment. so maybe, i just wont ask for promises anymore. because many people put so much trust and dependence just in that one word.

now, im not saying, how much i trust and depend on people to follow through with things will change. or that I've become very hurt by disappointment. oh not at all.

but rather, that i am prepared to face disappointment, and be unaffected. that i know addiction. and that i will focus on the follow through, and make my judgments from there, rather than make my judgments before actions are made.

and if there's any bit of negativity and hurt you feel i have, or you have from reading this.[hopefully no one is reading this.] then it is not intended, and i certainly am not hurt by any of it.

this is just an expression of thoughts.

so well first things first.

i finally posted at least a few pictures recently.
i had my camera with me, and there was a nice view while driving home from del mar.
so i havent completely forgotten about this.

im currently on summer vacation, and im taking a class in a college to get ahead.
and i have a summer packet for the ap class ima be in next year. along with preparing for decathlon, getting fit, hanging with friends, and music time.

the news of michael jacksons death was a real surprise. it saddened me a bit, because he really introduced popping to the world, and his songs were amazing. i learned from omarion, who learned from him. i later was truly inspired by his dancing and music. recently, when finding out about his death i really became much more.. understanding of him. i really tried to learn about him, see where he came from, and why he did the things he did. i really see why now, and i am sorry that i didnt realize this sooner when he was alive. he was a true artist, and as you can see by all this comotion about his death, we dont really know what we got til its gone. this has been similar with other amazing writers and composers and artist. its crazy how all big celebrities are dying. but anyways. michael, thank you for all you have done to this world. rest in peace.